You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
