genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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