dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
