i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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