I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
