I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
