he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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