don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
