Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
