i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
