Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
