Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
