This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
