You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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