i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
