i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
