sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
