Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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