So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
