Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
