operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
