Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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