how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
