yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Quick, to the slutcave!
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You pole danced in your parka.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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