so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
