Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
