Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
