Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
