im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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