How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
