hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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