I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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