i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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