I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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