I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
