I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
