Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
