i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
