How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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