there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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