Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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