He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
