he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
