I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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