i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
