I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
