You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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