I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
ttyl tear gas
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
