I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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