The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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