So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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