Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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