I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
