...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Randomize
