Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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