why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
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