Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
