just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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