i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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