i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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