my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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