This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
