He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
