Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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