okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
They took my balls.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
