just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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