elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
