I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I want to stick my p in your. b.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
